Friday, April 24, 2009

When Life hands you lemons...

Hello all.

How are ya? Man, it's been a LONG while since I've done this, but here I am again. Typing away when I should be asleep. See kids, lately my drive to write has been set in neutral, and needed something to shift the gears, so to speak. Whether it was a gas of a good time, a car wreck of a relationship, or some other life experience compared to a bad car reference. In this case, it was something unexpected. Not quite like a deer in the road, and not like finding twenty bucks in your glove compartment either. It was more like realizing you been driving with the emergency brake on for the past hundred miles, yet aren't sure if you wanna release it because you've grown accustom to the way the car handles with it engaged.

I recently found out something that shocked me a bit. It was comparable to the last day of school when you come to terms with the fact that you won't walk the halls anymore. Or, when you quit a job you love, and look at your name tag for the last time. In a more simple way of speaking, when you realize the life you had ten minutes ago is now gone. More importantly, if it isn't gone, you HAVE to let it go. Otherwise, you'll...crash, for lack of a better term. Such is the state I'm in now. I have (as recent as a half an hour ago) have been made aware of something that gave me a whole trail mix of emotions.

I'm sad. I really want to cry.

I'm also so kinda happy. I have a sense of closure. It might not be the kind I wanted, but it's still closure none the less.

I'm a bit hopefull. I fina;;y might be able to get these stale feelings I've had for so long to leave for good.


I'm numb. I know, I just said I was feeling all those other things, but hear me out. I feel so overwhelmed with emotions, that I've just become numb with it all. I can't explain it more than that.

Now, you may be asking yourself " How is this blog different from all of his other Emo infested blogs?". Your answer is this:

I now fully realize that I CAN'T live in the past anymore! I seriously can't! In a way, it's killing me. In almost everthing I do, I find some way to compare it to past experiences in a judgmental way.From work, to relationships, to my family life. It's been this way since...well...November 1st, 2005. There's a reason I remember the date. It had to do with a wrestling Pay-Per-View, a rainstorm, and two kids in a grey/black Ford ranger, one was hurt and wounded, and the other was confused, angry, and scared.

Usually, when I'm done writing these blogs, I end up feeling different. If not better, than at least more clear in the head. I don't feel the same with this one. Don't ask me why, I just don't. Hard to say the reason, really. I just don't. It's kind of a new concept for me, but I'll work with it.

So that's it. I don't have much else to say, and there's an opening shift at work begging me to get some sleep. I'll see you guys around. Remember this:

" I can do all things, through Christ, who strengthens me."
Phil 4:13



Jeffery said...

Hmmmmm, cost this post be any more vague.

Hang in there Pal, it's never as bad as it seems.

Karen said...

Sorry we couldn't connect today. Hope you're doing OK.