Wednesday, October 22, 2008

An Old School Mentality

I have an old school type of mentality. I feel like when you go to a party, you're there to have a good time. You wanna dance. You wanna drink a little something. You wanna see about that girl you've been trying to holler at since she came thru your register at work! Mostly, you just wanna forget about the crap that you have to deal with Monday thru Thursday. So, when Friday rolls around, you just let it go. See, that's how I think. Just let it out. I'm slowly figuring out though that it seems to be a fleeting trend.

Now a days, the trends seems to be a little different. The way I see it, if someone asks you to dance, it's a compliment. Either you except it or you don't. Either way, you should feel good about it and let that fuel the good vibes for the rest of the night. Someone thought you were cute, or just thought you looked like a good dancer. That's a win/win! Fast forward to modern times. Instead of going out and dancing with a guy or girl, the thing to do now is to make the person who asked you to dance feel like absolute crap for even ASKING you to dance, let alone expecting them to say yes! You're just sitting there:

" Hey, would you like to dance?"

Nothing. What? They already don't want to dance with you, what makes you think they're gonna acknowledge your feeble existence the first time you ask?

' I'm sorry, I guess I didn't hear you. This music is pretty loud. Wanna come with me for a bit?"

This time, She turns to you like you just said the dumbest thing in the world. Like you wanted to recruit Vern Troyer to the Lakers or something! She turns her head around and looks at you. The look on her face seems to say that she'd rather receive a root canal via a rusty fork from an orthodontist with Parkinson's disease then do the Humpty Dance with you on 80's night.

" …heh , I heard you. I just chose not to respond. Goodbye."

Ouch. Hold up, let me say that again…ouch. THIS IS THE POINT WHERE THE GOOD VIBES OF THE NIGHT HAVE HAD THEIR HINDPARTS HANDED TO THEM BY THE TWO BULLIES OF THE SCHOOL OF POST ADOLESCENCE DATING: SHAME AND REJECTION.

Another thing that I've noticed is the need to consume every intoxicant in sight. Now, I'm not gonna be a hypocrite on this one, I don't mind a drink once in a while, but I just never got the point to imbibe enough alcohol to jump start a Harley. What I hate worse is the fact that most girls EXPECT the guy to buy them to drink. WHAT! Answer me this question sweetie. What reason, other than an blown opinion of yourself and the boots you spent your rent money on, did you give me to buy you another drink in the first place? Again, I have a bit of an old school mentality. I feel that when you buy someone a drink, it's because you took a liking to them. Maybe it was there smile. Maybe it was those ugly, over priced boots. How in the Helen of troy do you come to expect a drink just because some one says hi? C'mon now! Tell you what, instead of buying you a watered down, overpriced appletini, I'll just give you the ten dollars to help you save up to buy some class. I guess that's just where my way of thinking clashes with modern times. I want a girl with class. That might be a bit old school. Maybe even a foreign concept to some, but that's just how I think.

I know what some of you might be thinking. How can you say that? You're just bitter because those girls made you buy her a drink. You're just cheap, that's all.

Uh…YEAH!!!

I HAVE BILLS AND STUFF MAMA!!! I'm not supposed to be out in the first place, budget wise! All I'm saying is if I have to buy a drink to say hello, lord knows what I'll have to spend if I keep socializing with this chick! I'm just thinking fiscally, that's all J

Now ladies, don't think I'm gender biased. I know you guys have it hard. Remember, I'm a man, I know how dumb we are! Even guys reading this right now are nodding there head saying " Yeah, he has a point. We're gonna have to stomp him in a dark alley for saying it, but he has a point."

I know you ladies are sick of half drunk dudes in sport coat/hoodie combinations asking you in a half drunken voice if you listen to The Arcade Fire. Then, in the same breath, asking you if you wanna go to his room "just to talk". You're sick of frat boy d-bags in neon green headbands and shutter shades who smell like Pabts Blue Ribbon quoting the new Soulja Boy track. You've had it with guys vomiting on your bed because they couldn't find the bathroom, while the whole while saying how they're pre-med .

Here's my advice. Stop looking for your dream guy at a mixer! Guaranteed, all you'll find is board shorts and bong water. Unless you're in to that type of thing, then live it up. However, if that isn't your thing, than do like me and start thinking with an old school mentality. Live everyday to the fullest and trust in yourself. I promise you that if you do that, all the resin and the guys that smoke it will soon fade away.

So, as I close up shop for the night, let me leave you with this. One of life's simplest truths is this: you get what you give. If you don't want a girl who expects you to throw down money like Diddy, than stop buying ten Gin and Tonics a night just to get a girl to look at you! On the flipside , if you're sick of faux surfer jack holes grabbing on you at a party, than take into the account that they're attracted to girls who do keg stands and drunkenly sing Gretchen Wilson songs at the top of their lungs! With that, I'll see you guys later. I have to go to this party. I met a really cool girl last week. I bought her(and her friends) Mojitos and she said I was sweet! She invited me to this party and man I'm stoked! I mean, I have to park all the cars and make sure everyone's coats are in safe order, but still! She digs me, although She did think I was Carlos Mencia for a while……



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